It is Late and I am writing

Moved from Myspace. Original Post 12/21/08

The way I feel is indescribable to me. I am at a loss. I feel joy and I feel pain, but most importantly I know that the best of me never goes away.

I am up writing late because I cannot go to sleep and when this happens I just feel the need to write. There is so much happening this week, and so much that has happened over the past week. I have come to realize how important it is to take care of me, and do what I need to in order to ensure my own happiness. No matter the cost. In the end isn't that what it is all about....me. People would say I am selfish and I know I am, but I am the only one that matters when you get down to it.

There is so much to do. And my world is changing on a daily basis. The ups and the downs. Sometimes when you start to go down, it is hard to go back up. But people change that outlook. There is always something to fight for. Life, love, happiness, it all comes down to sacrifices, and what sacrifices you will make to know that you are content with the outcome.

I have learned alot this week. Giving up is easy, letting go is not. When the world as you know it changes, it is almost always for the better. You never realize how much you affect someone's life until they show you. I will always be in control even in those times when I do not think so. I also know that regardless of what I think, my flaws are not what I think they are.The more I continue to push away, the more I realize that God has other things in plan for me. Although I may no know them yet, I just need to follow it through. For me.

I cried, overwhelmed with emotion, pleasure and pain. Will I know when it is okay to give in? I don't, but I pray that day comes soon. Soon enough for me to know that there will be no more questions, no more fear, and no more pain.

I know that we will all survive regardless, I have always done just that. And in the end, my happiness is worth it.