Ok, So i do not know if it is just me or if everyone else in the world may feel like this, but i think i have honestly and wholeheartedly decided that I am not having a wedding....EVER. And the sad part is that as a little girl, it is all you ever dream about, but now i know everyhting that goes into it, and I do not really think I want one.
My sister and cousing are getting married this year. My cousin will be getting married on March 14th, ad my sister is getting married sometime in August. I forgot when. My sister has decided that now her new favorite color is Blue (which was always mine) so that will be her bridal gown colors. And my dress is going to cost me more than any prom dress, and i can only where it onece. AARRGGHH. We have decided that we are wearing slippers though instead of all out shoes. This is all just too much of a hassle for me. And i am not even the one getting married.
But here goes the kicker. So My cousin has her bridal shower this weekend, and I finally decided to go on the registry to see what she wanted. Oh my goodness. As my mom says...this is how the upper middle class live. $80 place setting and that is one plate, one cup a fork, spoon and knife. A $150 food processor. And the worst part is that they are not moving out of her mother's house until they save to buy a house....next year!. Why cant they just have a house warming party next year and get all of this stuff. Did I mention she is 20 and he is like 35. We want to go out for the bachelorette party and she isn't even old enough to get into anyplace.
i have just decided that a wedding demand too much energy and time and money, for 1 day. One day that you will remember for the rest of your life, yeah, but it is still only 1 day. And although it would be nice, I want to be able to celebrate my nuptials with as many people as I can. Get married and have a big party to show everyone i finally did it. And for everyone to celebrate with us. And then be able to spend the rest on a nice LONG honeymoon where we can just enjoy each other. Spend $1000 on the reception and $8000 on honeymoon. LOL works for me....
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Random Things about Me
1. I love my family... family days, family vacations, family traditions
2. I'm pretty good at RPG video games and if I am not good at a video game I will just sit around and tell you what to do
3. I never was a huge sports fan until my son started playing football. Now i could watch football every night
4. I'm addicted to t.v. and my computer
5. I'm a homebody... I enjoy going out, but always love coming home! And could stay in my bed all day
6. I love a Caramel Latte from Dunkin Donuts
7. I'm a big wimp when it comes to bugs, mice, snakes, etc... but I love to watch them on TV
8. I am petrified of the dark because I think Mike Myers is after me
9. I love rollercoasters more than ever, although I can't do the really high ones like the Superman
10. I sometimes wish I had enough balls to say exactly what I want but an too afraid of hurting people's feelings.
11. I am such a messy person. It is probably why I am still single
12. I love to read and write (obviously)
13. I used to at the local radio station as the Urban Format Director and Chris Cool tried to teach me how to mix, but I never caught on
14. I curse a bit too much and hate that I do it
15. I LOVE going to the movies with my man, my boys, with friends...
16. I hate it when people are rude in the movie theater
17. I can hold a grudge for a very long time...Ask my family I went months without talking to my sister
18. My dad made me watch Psycho at 8 and I never took a shower without someone in the bathroom with me. Now I still will not take one if I am home alone
19. I am a shopaholic
20. My favorite show on tv that I could watch all day everyday is Animal Planet's Be the Creature
21. I do not like to be outsmarted and if you do outsmart me, I will most likely not talk to you anymore
22. I often operate in extremes (fire and ice)
23. I want to visit a new country every year starting in 2010
24. I laugh loudly and without holding back when I think something is funny
25. I used to ONLY cry when I laughed and at sappy movies/commercials... After hitting my 30's I seem to cry about everything
2. I'm pretty good at RPG video games and if I am not good at a video game I will just sit around and tell you what to do
3. I never was a huge sports fan until my son started playing football. Now i could watch football every night
4. I'm addicted to t.v. and my computer
5. I'm a homebody... I enjoy going out, but always love coming home! And could stay in my bed all day
6. I love a Caramel Latte from Dunkin Donuts
7. I'm a big wimp when it comes to bugs, mice, snakes, etc... but I love to watch them on TV
8. I am petrified of the dark because I think Mike Myers is after me
9. I love rollercoasters more than ever, although I can't do the really high ones like the Superman
10. I sometimes wish I had enough balls to say exactly what I want but an too afraid of hurting people's feelings.
11. I am such a messy person. It is probably why I am still single
12. I love to read and write (obviously)
13. I used to at the local radio station as the Urban Format Director and Chris Cool tried to teach me how to mix, but I never caught on
14. I curse a bit too much and hate that I do it
15. I LOVE going to the movies with my man, my boys, with friends...
16. I hate it when people are rude in the movie theater
17. I can hold a grudge for a very long time...Ask my family I went months without talking to my sister
18. My dad made me watch Psycho at 8 and I never took a shower without someone in the bathroom with me. Now I still will not take one if I am home alone
19. I am a shopaholic
20. My favorite show on tv that I could watch all day everyday is Animal Planet's Be the Creature
21. I do not like to be outsmarted and if you do outsmart me, I will most likely not talk to you anymore
22. I often operate in extremes (fire and ice)
23. I want to visit a new country every year starting in 2010
24. I laugh loudly and without holding back when I think something is funny
25. I used to ONLY cry when I laughed and at sappy movies/commercials... After hitting my 30's I seem to cry about everything
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Birthday Weekend
Hey guys. So I just got back from my niece and nephew birthday party. It was good. But they are 2 so I am not sure how much fun it is that you can have at a two year old's party. The good thing is that I got to see family I have not seen in a very long time. So it was good to just sit and have a convo with them. :)
I still have not started my paper and will probably do the majority of it tomm. I hate writing papers. But once again I have something to blog about. Most of you know that I have lost a lot of weight over the past year, through bypass surgery. You know why do people hate me because I take pride in the little things. Like when I cross my legs....I get freaking excited, so because of that I am bragging. Or how about the fact that I can fit into a size 9 jeans, I am bragging. I think people are just mad, because they could always use the excuse that "Well at least Hope is fatter than me" and now they can't. It fucking pisses me off, that now that I am healthier and weigh 100 lbs less than what I did before that people like to say that I am bragging. It is not about bragging it is about being proud! and that is it. So those of you that hate me for it, I do not care you can hate me. There are people out there who are very happy for me, and those are the people that I can say truly know exactly what I mean when i get excited over the small stuff.
I still have not started my paper and will probably do the majority of it tomm. I hate writing papers. But once again I have something to blog about. Most of you know that I have lost a lot of weight over the past year, through bypass surgery. You know why do people hate me because I take pride in the little things. Like when I cross my legs....I get freaking excited, so because of that I am bragging. Or how about the fact that I can fit into a size 9 jeans, I am bragging. I think people are just mad, because they could always use the excuse that "Well at least Hope is fatter than me" and now they can't. It fucking pisses me off, that now that I am healthier and weigh 100 lbs less than what I did before that people like to say that I am bragging. It is not about bragging it is about being proud! and that is it. So those of you that hate me for it, I do not care you can hate me. There are people out there who are very happy for me, and those are the people that I can say truly know exactly what I mean when i get excited over the small stuff.
Friday, January 16, 2009
It is still freaking cold
Oh my goodness. i cannot believe the freaking weather up here. It is like 4 degrees outside. i hate the cold. i just wanted to stay in my bed all day today and do absolutely nothing. Why can't i just stay at home all the time. i could work from home. Someone get me a work from home job, PLEASE!!!
So i went out on a lunch date today. i am trying to keep my options open. And i have kept them WWAAYY open. I went on a date with Michael. He is really cool though. He is a white dude, and i was shocked when he started to write me. But we get along. We shall see what happens. I am still sticking to my motto I put in my last blog. SAVE IT FOR THE ONE!
i am actually doing much better than I thought I would about not speaking to Babby Daddy (that is what Keitha refers to him as so from now on he will be known as baby daddy) . i feel so liberated of the situation. i mean like i said before if it was meant to be then it will be. He told me last week that even though people say love conquers all, it is not true. And i am sooo in agreement now. Because it does not. And sometimes when you love someone you have to make the best choices for them. that is why i chose to let him go.
This weekend should be interesting. it is the twins birthday party this weekend. For those of you that don't know about the twins, I will tell you. My sister nichole got pregnant right before we went to Disney World last year. At 23.5 weeks she delivered Aaron and Adrianna. They weighed 1lb. They were sooo tiny. They said if she had delivered 3 weeks earlier, they would not have tried to save them. During the 5 months that these babies were in the hospital Adrianna had heart surgery and Aaron had brain surgery for a brain bleed. The doctors thought they would be disabled and end up with CP. Well the twins just turned 2 and are very healthy. Aaron is so full of energy and Adrianna will be the smarty pants like me. I love those babies so much, and they love there Auntie Hopey. So there party is tomorrow and it should be lots of fun.
After that i really do have to do my paper. I keep procrastinating and it will catch up to me eventually. Let's not forget i still have my thesis to start. AARRGGHH. i need to hibernate for a few months, until this is all over with. Have a great day everyone.
So i went out on a lunch date today. i am trying to keep my options open. And i have kept them WWAAYY open. I went on a date with Michael. He is really cool though. He is a white dude, and i was shocked when he started to write me. But we get along. We shall see what happens. I am still sticking to my motto I put in my last blog. SAVE IT FOR THE ONE!
i am actually doing much better than I thought I would about not speaking to Babby Daddy (that is what Keitha refers to him as so from now on he will be known as baby daddy) . i feel so liberated of the situation. i mean like i said before if it was meant to be then it will be. He told me last week that even though people say love conquers all, it is not true. And i am sooo in agreement now. Because it does not. And sometimes when you love someone you have to make the best choices for them. that is why i chose to let him go.
This weekend should be interesting. it is the twins birthday party this weekend. For those of you that don't know about the twins, I will tell you. My sister nichole got pregnant right before we went to Disney World last year. At 23.5 weeks she delivered Aaron and Adrianna. They weighed 1lb. They were sooo tiny. They said if she had delivered 3 weeks earlier, they would not have tried to save them. During the 5 months that these babies were in the hospital Adrianna had heart surgery and Aaron had brain surgery for a brain bleed. The doctors thought they would be disabled and end up with CP. Well the twins just turned 2 and are very healthy. Aaron is so full of energy and Adrianna will be the smarty pants like me. I love those babies so much, and they love there Auntie Hopey. So there party is tomorrow and it should be lots of fun.
After that i really do have to do my paper. I keep procrastinating and it will catch up to me eventually. Let's not forget i still have my thesis to start. AARRGGHH. i need to hibernate for a few months, until this is all over with. Have a great day everyone.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
LIBERATED
I know many of you really do not care about everything that is going on in my life. I would write in my journal but honestly I find it too time consuming now. I want to write someplace where I know that I will be able to look back on this and see how crazy my life has been over the past couple of months and wonder...How the hell did that happen? and more so Why did I let that happen?
I want to start off by saying that I am watching the Stupid man on TV and he cannot even deliver a good farewell speech. This man is dumb!!!
So anyway, I just want to say I feel so liberated right now. I don't know how I got to this point but for the first time in a few months I actually feel good about what I have done. Done today.
Many of you probably do not know, but I was seeing someone for a while. We met a while ag online (I won't reveal where LOL) but we really hit it off. We chatted for a while and talked and really got to know each other for quite some time. Then I found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to sya I wanted to let go but could not. For a variety of reasons. I know it was stupid, but it is what it is. We started to talk again and it was like nothing ever changed. Needless to say she knew we were still talking and it never stopped. I will not go into all of the details, but my heart was absolutely broke when I did not hear from him for two weeks. And once again just when I started to get over it, he contacts me again. By msngr at first and I asked him to please leave me alone, as I could not go back to where I was again. But later on that week I got a phone call. He was here and wanted to see me. Oh my GOD again!!!! Really. I could not do it, but I did. I saw him last week again and felt like it was one of the best nights in my life. But the next day I felt weak again. I felt like I had done something wrong again, and I knew I should not have done it.
So I have spoken to him a few times over the last couple of days, but TODAY!!! TODAY I woke up and knew that I needed it to end once and for all. So I programmed my phone once again to not receive phone calls from anyone in my phone book. And it is sooo hard because more than anything I really want to be with him. I feel like we complete each other, but I know that if he was as much in love with me as he said he was, he would do that and just be with me. That is what I told Shaketa tonight. I am sick of being number 2. It is not fair to me, and it is not fair to his girlfriend. Regardless of everything that he has told me about her and their relationship together, he is with her, and telling her that he loves her and wants to be with her, and telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me. I mean damn if he really loved me as much as he said he di, he would just move out. And he has not.
I guess I just don't understand. Like Amy Winehouse says..."What is it about Men?" I mean here you have a 37 year old man who wants to play games. I mean when is it time to just settle down? When will it not be about getting as many girls as you can? And the sad part is that I know he was talking to a few other women, so lord knows how many other people he is doing this too. So I know it is time for me to move on and just keep pursuing my dreams. I know that if it was meant to be, then it will be. They say when you give something away, if it was really yours, it will find a way to come back to you.
So onto the other man I was seeing. Mr. Brandon. Umm yeah...we will not be speaking anymore. At all. Yo I cannot believe how people are just crazy sometimes. So he decided to come over to my house the other night (the kids were all in bed, so none the wiser). He texts me to let me know that he is outside. I text him back and tell him to just come upstairs. He never does. So I finally go downstairs and he starts almost like yelling at me. "Yo don't be having me wait outside in the cold like that" I was like "I don't know who you think you are talking to, but 6'3" or not, I will try to at least bust your ass" He was telling me he did not appreciate being left outside....whatever. But then I was talking and he says to me"Oh I see I gotta teach you when to shut up" I was like WHAT!!!!! Needless to say, after that we will not be speaking anymore. I was just going to tell him that we are going in two different directions, but Keitha said, don't say shit. Just don't call him anymore. Silence is best. So that is what I am going to do, just not talk to him.
So it brings me to this point. Really what is going on??? I mean I know that I am a great woman. I said before that I am destined for something great and I just cannot seem to get it right. Men act so stupid. So here I am back to square one, and I know what I am going to do. Get rid of them all and start over. My list is going back to zero. If that means that I have to be celibate for the next five years then so be it. I am not giving it up, my heart, my mind, my punani, nothing to no one, until I know it is right. That I have found someone who will be as devoted to me as I am to him. I am so over it. If it means that I will be single forever then I will be. But I am no longer going to put up with the bullshit. I will be sticking it out this time. I am worth so much more. I do not need someone who is a liar, a cheater, a player, emotionally abusive, whatever. I am holding out!!!!!!!!
Hope
I want to start off by saying that I am watching the Stupid man on TV and he cannot even deliver a good farewell speech. This man is dumb!!!
So anyway, I just want to say I feel so liberated right now. I don't know how I got to this point but for the first time in a few months I actually feel good about what I have done. Done today.
Many of you probably do not know, but I was seeing someone for a while. We met a while ag online (I won't reveal where LOL) but we really hit it off. We chatted for a while and talked and really got to know each other for quite some time. Then I found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to sya I wanted to let go but could not. For a variety of reasons. I know it was stupid, but it is what it is. We started to talk again and it was like nothing ever changed. Needless to say she knew we were still talking and it never stopped. I will not go into all of the details, but my heart was absolutely broke when I did not hear from him for two weeks. And once again just when I started to get over it, he contacts me again. By msngr at first and I asked him to please leave me alone, as I could not go back to where I was again. But later on that week I got a phone call. He was here and wanted to see me. Oh my GOD again!!!! Really. I could not do it, but I did. I saw him last week again and felt like it was one of the best nights in my life. But the next day I felt weak again. I felt like I had done something wrong again, and I knew I should not have done it.
So I have spoken to him a few times over the last couple of days, but TODAY!!! TODAY I woke up and knew that I needed it to end once and for all. So I programmed my phone once again to not receive phone calls from anyone in my phone book. And it is sooo hard because more than anything I really want to be with him. I feel like we complete each other, but I know that if he was as much in love with me as he said he was, he would do that and just be with me. That is what I told Shaketa tonight. I am sick of being number 2. It is not fair to me, and it is not fair to his girlfriend. Regardless of everything that he has told me about her and their relationship together, he is with her, and telling her that he loves her and wants to be with her, and telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me. I mean damn if he really loved me as much as he said he di, he would just move out. And he has not.
I guess I just don't understand. Like Amy Winehouse says..."What is it about Men?" I mean here you have a 37 year old man who wants to play games. I mean when is it time to just settle down? When will it not be about getting as many girls as you can? And the sad part is that I know he was talking to a few other women, so lord knows how many other people he is doing this too. So I know it is time for me to move on and just keep pursuing my dreams. I know that if it was meant to be, then it will be. They say when you give something away, if it was really yours, it will find a way to come back to you.
So onto the other man I was seeing. Mr. Brandon. Umm yeah...we will not be speaking anymore. At all. Yo I cannot believe how people are just crazy sometimes. So he decided to come over to my house the other night (the kids were all in bed, so none the wiser). He texts me to let me know that he is outside. I text him back and tell him to just come upstairs. He never does. So I finally go downstairs and he starts almost like yelling at me. "Yo don't be having me wait outside in the cold like that" I was like "I don't know who you think you are talking to, but 6'3" or not, I will try to at least bust your ass" He was telling me he did not appreciate being left outside....whatever. But then I was talking and he says to me"Oh I see I gotta teach you when to shut up" I was like WHAT!!!!! Needless to say, after that we will not be speaking anymore. I was just going to tell him that we are going in two different directions, but Keitha said, don't say shit. Just don't call him anymore. Silence is best. So that is what I am going to do, just not talk to him.
So it brings me to this point. Really what is going on??? I mean I know that I am a great woman. I said before that I am destined for something great and I just cannot seem to get it right. Men act so stupid. So here I am back to square one, and I know what I am going to do. Get rid of them all and start over. My list is going back to zero. If that means that I have to be celibate for the next five years then so be it. I am not giving it up, my heart, my mind, my punani, nothing to no one, until I know it is right. That I have found someone who will be as devoted to me as I am to him. I am so over it. If it means that I will be single forever then I will be. But I am no longer going to put up with the bullshit. I will be sticking it out this time. I am worth so much more. I do not need someone who is a liar, a cheater, a player, emotionally abusive, whatever. I am holding out!!!!!!!!
Hope
Deleting my Myspace
So I have decided to delete my myspace this week. I wish i could say I don't know why, but honestly it is because I am addicted to myspace, and really need to just get off of it. I will be moving all of my blogs over here and will probably do a litle more blogging about things in my life here versus myspace. For those that really care, they will have to come here to read my blog. I will still keep my facebook and blackplanet pages open, only because I am not on them soo much and do not foresee me being on them so much. I am also sick of the stupid games with baby daddy's girlfriend. I will be posting on that very soon, but do not have time to go into details about it right now. FYI: I cannot wait to go see Notorious this weekend with Donald. i will talk to you all very soon.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Weirdest Sexual Experiences
Weird Sexual Experiences
I was talking to my sister yesterday, and I decided to write about some of the weird sexual experiences I have had. I mean to the point of laughing. I mean I laugh about it now, but I wasn't when it happened.1. Every been with someone and when you start kissing them and they start to kiss your neck and such, they growl? OMG really growl lik GGGRRRRR. I couldn't believe it. Thank God we did not actually have sex, he probably would have started to howl.
2. Ever been with someone and the dude asks you to put a finger in his ass? Now don't get me wrong, cuz I actually would love to find the HE Spot, but not on the Spot like that
3. How about when you are making love, and the man calls your vagagae "your sweetness" Oh My GOD. I had to write that one out. I told him after that, please do not talk while we have sex. The sad part is that I love to talk shit when I have sex, but damn I just could not handle...."your sweetness"
4. I hate teaching someone how to have oral sex. But let me tell ya'll, a few weeks ago..someone ate my shit so good, I literally cried. I need him to teach everyone else how to eat some coochie, because some of ya'll think you know but you don't.
What about your weirdest sexual experiences?
New Years Eve
New Years Eve
Hey Everyone! I hope everyone had a great coming into the New Year. It is 2009 and I am excited! I do not even know why. So many things in my life are going to change this year and I can tell you that I really have never been so excited! But we will get into that later.I started to write in my journal this week and it is absolutely amazing how things change from day to day. It is kind of like my diary but I have started to write some poetry and thoughts in there, and it really has been a good experience.
So for New Years Eve, I went to this party with my girl Carm and her boyfriend. There were a whole bunch of other people who were supposed to come, but they just stayed home or went to church. Some met me out after and it was cool. We had so much fun.
So I went to Carm and Will's room and damn it was like walking into a freaking liquor store. These two had the whole damn bar in there room. I was thinking we could get together sometime and have a few drinks next weekend. Oh shoot, tat is our holiday party...Oh wait the drinks are free there too. :) I cannot wait.
Anyway we had a few drinks while watching deal or no deal. Hopefully that woman won her million dollars. I don't care because it was not me. We walked around the corner to the club and I realized they did not have an ATM. We were all a bit too drunk to even drive at this point so Will (sweetheart) ran across the street to get money out so we could get in. We walked in and it was pretty packed. I was a bit shocked at how many people were there on NYE. We found a seat and headed over to the bar. The bartender asked us what we were drinking and I told him my drink and Carm told him her drink, then he looks at Will and was like "Oh shit Will" I won't get into details, but we did not have to pay for our drinks.
We danced most of the night, and the old dudes were just flocking. Carm had to come get me from the dance floor at one point. With me I do not car who I am dancing with, I just love to dance. I got in a few good dances with my friend Dizan (LOL) and then we headed back to our seats. While we were there, Carm asked this dude to take our picture. He did and we both laughed cuz he was kinda cute. My type, tall dark (I love em dark) and handsome. So we danced a bit more. The New Years came and went, a bit too quickly I might add, I called my boys, my mom and sister, and then the lines were busy. :)
We went back over to the chairs, and I was thinking (depressingly) I cannot believe I have brought in another New Years alone :(. Needless to say Carm already had a plan. So about 10 minutes after 12, Carm goes over to this dude and asks him if he is there alone. He responds yes he is. She asks him if he has a girlfriend. He says no he does not. She says to him "Well my girlfriend think your cute, you better go talk to her" He laughs and she says "Good Luck" He pulls her back and says "Why good luck?" She said...because looks aren't everything. LMAO.
So he comes over and we start talking. We really hit it off right away. Good converstaion in a party no less. It was amusing. If you saw me there, you know what I was doing the other half of the time instead of talking. Sorry the alcohol had me. We talked about everything...work, kids, girlfriends, byfriends. I asked him about 5 times if he had a girlfriend. He laughed. I told him no matter what every person I meet has a girlfriend and just never tells me. I find out because they call or write me. As I have always in the past, I told him I will ask him that question Every single day, until I am absolutely positive he doesn't.
So we sat and talked and danced a bit, and talked and danced. It was really a great time. It really took my mind off of so many things. We went to breakfast (Denny's was packed) and continued to talk. It was a great way to end a horrible week for me. As I always say, nothing heals a broken heart like a new man, and boy I think I choose a nice one :).
The one thing is that someone recently said....it is all about the chase. She is going to leave once the chase is over. And the funny thing is it never is about the chase, but you know what...it will be this time. Although we hit it off well, I know now not to trust anyone, and to always question everything they tell you. I will not give in easily, and protect myslef. This is a new year, and things are changing, starting now.
Pics are up on my page, check them out tell me what you think. Keitha I will call you to give you further details. Thanks everyone for helping me bring in a great New Year. Thanks Carm and Will for not making me feel like a third leg. And thank God for keeping me here one more year! I hope everyone has good year like I will.
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