Things I would like to say to people

but do not have the balls to do so:

*******: When exactly were you going to tell me you had a child that you did not think was yours, but are still responsible for? I had to find out on my own and that is why we never worked out an never will work out.

*******: why is it that you claimed to love me so much but you never once decided to come forth and tell me that you had another chick pregnant while you were trying to talk to me, plus you already had girlfriend. I am glad that we never went on to bigger things than where we left off at.

*******: You are just a liar. Consistently told me one thing and the entire time you were trying to marry and have kids with someone else. Do you ask everyone to marry you? better yet do you ask everyone to have your children

*******: At least you were honest about some things, but it does not excuse your trip around the world for some ass while trying to tell me your uncle was locked up. LOL i knew that was false from the get go

*******: I wonder sometimes if you really beleive everything that comes out of your mouth? You were the one person i trusted the most and from the start it was false. Every and anything you said to me was false. Your feelings, your life, your children, your mom, your relationships. You even lied to me about what times you got in at night. Like I would have really cared. But based on that alone i know you were up to no good. i just wish i would hae know before I got too involved.

Why am I venting. Because i am so sick of the dudes i left behind constantly calling me and asking me to give them another chance. They see me know, what i look like, where i am at, how i am, and they realize what it is they missed out on. they realized that if they would have just been upfront with me from the beginning things might not have turned out so badly. ****** - you were my first love. My all. i would have went against the world for you and did on plenty of ocassions. i was willing to take you with me no matter where i went. All of that went out of the window after 4 years of emotional abuse that eventually got physical. You do not know how much my heart yearned for you even after that. Which is why i saw you over and over again. But you are also the reason i will never ever waste my time again. Funny thing was after all we had been through we still decided to remain cordial up until last week. i would accept your calls we would talk most time i would blow you off, but we still had a conversation. After all of that you continue to lie and lie and lie. I told you i loved you, i will always love you, there is not a adoubt in my mind about that. i told you that you were my firs true love. And no matter what goes on in my life from here on out and what goes on in your life from here on out, no one will ever ever take that from you. No one can ever say that they were my first love except you. Why could you not just accept that and move on. instead you had to push and push and push. Although i love you, there are other feeling i have for you. There are times when i despise you. I despise you for making me feel worthless and allowing itto be that way until i finally reclaimed my life back. i hated you for making me lose my child when i was 4 months pregnant. I felt sorry for ou because you are 34 now and will always have the menatlity of a 16 year old. But now i thank you. I thank you for our wonderful conversation last week. I realized that I am glad I did not do all of those things for you. i am glad we seperated, i am glad you did not follow, and i am glad we did not have a child. My life would have been hell on earth if we would have stayed together. there are so many things you know about me that no one else in this world will ever ever know, keep thse and cherish them, because those are the only memories you will ever have. As i told you, do not ever call me. if you see me act as if you never knew me, do not once let my name breathe from your lips. You should be grateful that I allowed you to experience the essence of Hope.

To my dear married friend: i actually had to finally sit down with you and really give you an explanation as to why it is you cannot just show up to my house whenever you feel like it. You are one of only two people in my past that I can say i will love forever. Does that mean i am in love with you. not at all. You know the amount of emotional turmoil i went through with this relationship. While I definitely had some of the best experiences of my life with you, i knew i could not wait 4 years for you to leave. You told me that I am the only other person you would ever marry and that if after 4 years i am still available, you will come for me. I am not sure where i will be in 4 years but hopefully I will already be married and have moved on. I wish you the best in trying to find your happiness and we will always be great friends, but nothing more than that.

Now that i am thinking about it, to the one my heart belongs to now, i have been nothing but straight up with you about everything and anything. You ask me a question I answer without even thinking. You betrayed me once and i forgave and moved on. If there is anything else you feel the need to come forward on, please do now.

Okay, can you tell i am a bit frustrated here